Our Recent Trip on the Jungle Cruise

Hello, everyone, and welcome aboard the Jungle Cruise. My name is Joe, and I'll be your skipper, guide, social director, and dance instructor for the next three months.

Now, let's everyone turn around and wave good-bye to all the beautiful people on the dock...

and the ugly ones too.

Nothing to be concerned about. Just a bunch of gorillas having a good time. I wouldn't get too close, though. They may look like a nice bunch, but let me tell you- those guys are real animals.

How nice, the lions are protecting the sleeping zebra.

You've all probably heard that the hippos are only dangerous when wiggling their ears and blowing bubbles...but that's not what really makes them dangerous. See it's actually the ritual they have of placing their young in the trees to forge on leaves until the grow to 6,000 pounds, then they cannon ball toward the boats, sinking them all 2 and 1/2 feet down to the bottom of the jungle floor. Oh look there's one now...

That looks like one hungry, hungry hippo.

Chad at the 8th wonder of the world...

Beautiful Schweitzer Falls is upon us again. The overhanging rock formation will afford us a different view this time. I have a special treat for you, folks. You may never have seen this before... there it is- the backside of water!

Oh, no! Man eating pirrana!

The women and children don't need to worry, they will be safe...

they only eat men.

There's old Trader Sam, head salesman of the area. Business has been shrinking lately, so this week only, Sam's offering a two-for-one special: two of his, for one of yours!
There's old Trader Sam... Three explorers came through here last week and Sam invited them for dinner. When he told them what the menu was, they completely lost their heads.I got their late. All I got was the cold shoulder and some finger food.Trader Sam was thrown out of college, ya, he was caught buttering up one of his professors, now he’s a psychologist. You can tell who is clients are, he a shrink to the ones on the left and the ones on the right are his basket cases.

And now, probably the most dangerous part of our journey- the return to civilization! I certainly hope you've enjoyed our cruise. However, if your in-laws are still with you, you've missed a golden opportunity. However, bring them back later tonight for our "in-law" special... halfway for half fare, no questions asked.

As we approach, please notice that there's a dock on the left, and a dock on the right. But don't let it confuse you. It's a paradox.

Any children left on board become property of the Walt Disney company after 24 hours.Please make sure you have all you belongings with you including your small children, if you leave them we will be forced to take them back to It’s a Small World and glue their feet to the floor and make them sing that hideous song over and over and over.

Well we've laughed and we've cried. We've almost died! I love you like family. Now get out! I'm sorry, that was rude. Please get out.